F&F

Faith vs. Fear is sometimes all I feel we hear. Believe in what you will but fear for me is more than being hurt. Life is full of pains weaknesses and injury but it isn’t the physical that I fear. Looking deeper into the soul is where true pain is felt and that is where my fear resides. It took a residence there many years ago nearly 23.95 my soul was awakened 24.6 years ago but I felt the love of a heart beat before that day. Love is faith, faith in something more something greater that can move us to grow and become something more.  My fear has controlled parts of my life and kicked faith aside. Survival mode is what I call it you get up each day because that is what you must do to stay alive; you do what you need to, to keep the waters at bay till the end of the day. I then lay down and the floods engulf the walls and I begin to drown again. I fight the flood with all I have and look for the light and do all that I can to reach it once again. I sometimes find a buoy of hope that I grasp onto those days I feel strong. Then there are days where there seems to be no light no matter how hard I work and I am lost again at sea swirling in a hurricane of emotion. I then drift way to find a new day where I wake once again upon the possible tides of change. I have begun to look for my current across the great expanse of sea imploring to find it before the hurricane finds me aimlessly out at sea.  Faith.

BE MINE

Torn in two apiece for me apiece for you

Not knowing what to do, a desire to stay true

The edges surrounded by torn lace

Once whole it was full of grace

Together again the words still go

You are the essence to my soul

The ink still smudged with a tear of love

Brought together by heaven above

Only this we shall know

Turning Pages

A drive into the past and a glimps into the future. We wined through the old city street, passing places where millions of memories have been made, and there are millions more to come. Tonight we made a new. A new home was found, old homes were past stories are shared, a smile fuses the past and the future into this moment that we live in now. The sun is fading now an a new game begins with the hopes and aspirations, flying in the wind. The crack of the bat and a roar of the crowd. The rush of the droplets come pouring down. Cover is found the game still continues not on the green but between you and I. Prizes are won, beyond the surface, a greater gift is given. More stories are shared to create  the story of you and I.  Embracing the page in this chapter of life. You leave my side, but your vision remains. Till the next page is turned.

Pony-up

The buzz of the hive never ceases

Winds of change never stop

Day to day we remain the same

Looking back how things have change

Once the size of a hand, now exploring foreign lands

Life has become a carousel up and down, around, around

A joyful ride is now our lives, 

we can choose to stay the same, and just remain, on the carousel of change, 

but the view will always rearrange.

HELL-O Mr. Penguin

Peeing your paints is cool KIDS! said no one ever unless you are Billy Madison. Stay in school kids!!! Why on earth do we sometimes listen to this notion? really stay in school? When was I ever not in school? I really started to ask myself this a few days ago.. I cant remember not being in school(minus the summers). Oh wait yes I can, I was still picking my nose on a regular basis, smelled like a goat, ran around barefoot, and fishing in babbling brooks. I was a bit of a hippy flower child or highly unsupervised as a youth. Then I was forced to conform to the standards of normal society. I don't remember it every being my idea until more recently. If you could some how in your memory pull up a picture/pictures that parents take of their kids at theme parks, family reunions, school plays, and the kids is siting there with the most pained look on their face almost as though they are constipated. That kids has been me the first day of school since the age of 4, yes for the last 20 years that constipated look has been on my face. No I don't have a bowel problem but it more the look of awkward dreaded pain of going back to school. Though like constipation after the first day is over you feel a million times better. I am so glad to be back in school.

My Horizon

You are all I want. It doesn’t matter how I feel, how much I make, where I am, because none of that matters. I dream about you when I sleep. I would do anything for you. I would die for you. Be a slave for you. When you are in agony I feel my heart tear, my soul aches to be able to be with you. Your happiness means more to me than anything that this earth could provide. You are the gravity that holds me down, when I feel like my life is flying out of control. I wish I could read your thoughts so that your every wish would come true. You are beauty to me in every form. When I look into your eyes I can see your soul, it is the purest form of perfection. You are the oxygen to my lungs when I have been shoved under the waves in life and hit rock bottom. I feel the current carrying me and drifting me along out of my control. I swim with all my might left and I am a thousand yard right. I will not stop fighting the current that drags me down you have become the horizon. No matter how hard I labor the current holds me back. The horizons distance never changes it has become fleeting with my every move. Darkness has fallen on me now. In the darkness I may not see, but you are once again next to me in my heart and in my dreams. A new dawn shall come and then I shall see that the horizon can never be next to me till darkness falls.

2008 to 2012 i have added a few.... but still have a few more to go

Here's how it works. Change the items to bold that you have done in your life.
1. Started your own blog
2. Slept under the stars
3. Played in a band
4. Visited Hawaii
5. Watched a meteor shower
6. Given more than you can afford to charity
7. Been to Disneyland /world
8. Climbed a mountain
9. Held a praying mantis
10. Sang a solo
11. Bungee jumped
12. Visited Paris(in Las Vegas)
13. Watched a lightning storm at sea(the beach does that count)
14. Taught yourself an art from scratch
15. Adopted a child
16. Had food poisoning
17. Walked to the top of the Statue of Liberty
18. Grown your own vegetables
19. Seen the Mona Lisa in France
20. Slept on an overnight train
21. Had a pillow fight
22. Hitch hiked
23. Taken a sick day when you're not ill
24. Built a snow fort
25. Held a lamb
26. Gone skinny dipping
27. Run a Marathon
28. Ridden in a gondola in Venice
29. Seen a total eclipse
30. Watched a sunrise or sunset
31. Hit a home run
32. Been on a cruise
33. Seen Niagara Falls in person
34. Visited the birthplace of your ancestors
35. Seen an Amish community
36. Taught yourself a new language
37. Had enough money to be truly satisfied
38. Seen the Leaning Tower of Pisa in person
39. Gone rock climbing
40. Seen Michelangelo's David
41. Sung karaoke
42. Seen Old Faithful geyser erupt
43. Bought a stranger a meal at a restaurant
44. Visited Africa
45. Walked on a beach by moonlight
46. Been transported in an ambulance
47. Had your portrait painted
48. Gone deep sea fishing
49. Seen the Sistine Chapel in person
50. Been to the top of the Eiffel Tower in Paris
51. Gone scuba diving or snorkeling
52. Kissed in the rain
53. Played in the mud
54. Gone to a drive-in theater
55. Been in a movie
56. Visited the Great Wall of China
57. Started a business
58. Taken a martial arts class
59. Visited Russia
60. Served at a soup kitchen
61. Sold Girl Scout Cookies
62. Gone whale watching
63. Got flowers for no reason
64. Donated blood, platelets or plasma
65. Gone sky diving
66. Visited a Nazi Concentration Camp
67. Bounced a check
68. Flown in a helicopter
69. Saved a favorite childhood toy
70. Visited the Lincoln Memorial
71. Eaten Caviar
72. Pieced a quilt
73. Stood in Times Square
74. Toured the Everglades
75. Been fired from a job
76. Seen the Changing of the Guards in London
77. Broken a bone
78. Been on a speeding motorcycle
79. Seen the Grand Canyon in person
80. Published a book
81. Visited the Vatican
82. Bought a brand new car
c83. Walked in Jerusalem
84. Had your picture in the newspaper
85. Read the entire Bible
86. Visited the White House
87. Killed and prepared an animal for eating
88. Had chickenpox
89. Saved some one's life
90. Sat on a jury
91. Met someone famous
92. Joined a book club(didnt last long)
93. Lost a loved one
94. Had a baby
95. Seen the Alamo in person
96. Swam in the Great Salt Lake
97. Been involved in a law suit
98. Owned a cell phone
99. Been stung by a bee
100. read an entire book in one day (thank you college)