Moments

A single moment can change our entire lives.

 The acceleration of a car, a blink of an eye, three words, yes, or no. Each of these have steered my life in a direction that  was unforeseen. 

The acceleration of a car is a simple act than many make daily without a thought. I do it daily as I commute back and forth from work sometimes not even noticing gap and period in the road because it had become so routine. This routine of hitting the right pedal changed my life drastically 23 years 8 months and 3 weeks ago. Increased flow of gasoline to an engine took my mother away from me. I will never know what it is like to have a moment with a mother the look that she gives when she is proud that you are hers. The moment where you do something so stupid that all she can do is hold you in her arms and still love you the same as the day you were first placed in her arms. 

A blink of an eye. I was 14 almost 15 there were few thing if I am being honest I even gave a damn about. At the time one of those things was my brother Kurt. He was my big brother, protector, friend, and hero. I look to him to know what hard work was, how to be a true friend, and how to show someone you cared. Kurt loved me and I knew it, when I felt that my entire life I had been tossed around at sea, Kurt acted as my anchor. A blink of an eye, a jolt, shattered glass, and my hero lay on the ground. 3 days later I picked the clothes to dress my protector in. 2 days later I laid a rose on his casket not knowing when I would see him again.

3 words I forgive you. I was 16 years old and still didn't give much of a damn. I had been carrying guilt on my shoulder that wasn't mine to carry. I had been hurting for years, not knowing what to do. Till a wise man taught me what forgiveness was. It wasn't forgetting what had happened but letting go of the load that we carry. I was scared to let go of the load, as I drove in the dark headed northward. I blared my rock music looking for relief, solstice but I knew that I wouldn't find it till I reached my destination. I pulled up to the house the porch light was on still. I sat there for what felt like an eternity staring at the door at the top of the steps. I at that moment relearned how to walk as I magically ended up at the door. I knocked the door open, there she stood. I was now taller than her I looked down at her in the eyes and said there is something I need to say. My throat started to close off, my heart was racing at the speed of light, what had I done, how did I end up here. She stood there and looked at me not moving as her arms were crossed. I opened my mouth and summoned only 3 words I forgive you. I needed not to say anymore she said nothing in return she stood there. I turned walked to my car and left that night a different person because of 3 words I forgive you.

Yes or No. This could determine a great sandwich at subway or ending up with a cucumber between two pieces of wheat bread. There have been many yes or no question asked of me through out my life. Such as is the square root of 16, 4? yes or no. There are moments however I have found me asking myself yes or no. One of these times I was 19.5 years old. I stared myself down in the mirror atop the medicine cabinet in the basement of my fathers home. Yes was the answer to acceleration more, faster, and not looking back. No was letting go of my crutches and walking on what felt like razor blades with broken legs. Yes or No at that moment in the mirror changed my entire outcome in life. Yes was no longer the option, I now walk on razor blade with the pain unmasked for the first time in years, I felt once more.

MOMENTS determine not my future, but our future as a whole.