Humpty Dumpty

Today I sat upon a wall I looked around the valley floor, people hustle and bustle about living their lives no doubt. Alone I sat aside from all, not sure if I felt big or small. Winds came and blew about and there i sat still and stout. Many days I wished I would fall and then I wouldn't have to watch them all, live there lives with love and peace. Some had pain that was their piece. Few came and spoke words of choice, to them I listened and advised. Alive they think I am on this wall inside I am dead to all. I have been dead dwelling int his bodies shell. Decayed my heart rotted inside like hell. None can see the pain that lives inside of me. Before I died inside I had never felt more alive love had entered my life for once. Trust I had, I gave my all. I for a moment thought I didn't sit alone on this wall I thought was built of stone. Pebble I thought you threw till it tore me in two. This shell of a body now lays in pieces you can see that there is nothing left inside of me.

Fingerprint

Two hands touch with faith in the other
The worn hands of time can tell
Scars each a silent mark
Leathered skin
Yard work and journeys across the sea
Callused of long days
All things fade with the age of time
Turning of each nursery rhyme
Grace, comfort these hands gave
Tears of pain, wiped away
Fought battles won and lost
Dust each day they still pray
Two hands touched long ago
One of yours, one of mine.

Hourglass

freedom from the world at hand doesn't mean you have to travel to a distant land. Lost in a desolate bank of sand you too can find the holy land. Sounds and motion can trap you into a world of hell leaving you with little hope to dwell. Solace is the space between the noise and commotion. Where you find yourself alone. Once surrounded by thousands of people, dust in the air, music, vocal jabber all about. Time stood still, the motions stopped, the dust cleared, voices faded, scents dispersed, and lights dimmed to a point where one could see the margin of the earth decipherable. Cognition left blank free of movement this is where you discover "self" insusceptible suspended in time, in that hallowed state you see, who you have come to be.

Thoughts scattered across the shores of Laguna Beach

Finding who you, it's no easy task. I as a person identify with a lot of things. Like I am a Marvin, it's my last name got it from my dad, or I am a Mormon. What does this all mean? You could look it up in a dictionary but that is its own definition. The guy next to you on the train may not know either one of those words or what they mean. If he doesn't know do you not exist? Have you become this blanks space in a seat. Knowing who you are goes beyond that. It's not a science of neurons or adams it is more complex than that. No one can know who you truly are beyond you. You are the makings of your inner thoughts and your outward actions. In that is the problem with the world and particularly me. I  did what I was told growing up, I blindly followed most of my life,  I listened and believed what people told me to be or even who I already was. I allowed the thoughts and beliefs of others to determine who I thought I was. They never were my actual thoughts however they were just words implanted into my mind. I now am determined to figure out who I am. Who is Emily Marvin, what is my definition, i am the only one who will ever know. Now to find my own thoughts beyond the words implanted in me. I am my inner thoughts a secret to the world, a story yet fully told.

Cathedral

Snow to my knees living in this lucid sleepless dream
 Cloud of white billow by, leaving me in this moment frozen in time
 Lost in this world full of misconception
Is this reality or am I lost in inception
Cold to the touch in this instance I live
Freed from the past my legacy is mine to give
Your mark has left a scar
Stained glass windows a story to tell
Each piece imperfect stitched together creating me
Only to God will I fall to my knee
For he has given me everything

Golden Sky

In and out of consciousness
Into your eyes, goes the stare
A soul longing for love and guidance
A deeper meaning adare
Passion and angst boil to the surface
Fiery desire, intellect atune
Driven for a purpose
A distance to go
The dance has been danced
The mask has been worn
The music has ended a moment torn
Hide behind the sepal
Or let your anther flow
This to know
Will change the end to which you will go

Sucker

looking out from a dark space
back behind the things in life I see
collections of shiny things
stubs left from nights in the lights
a photo from the past a memory that will last
the blanket stained red
a moment I wished I were dead
the dark place is where I fled
there I heard your awful tone
silence then I know I payed the toll
peace has now found my soul
safety of the present
the past that cant touch you now
I am a product of what I chose to be
you will never determine me
happiness is mine to keep
my love for life runs deep
this is the story that will be told
I am the one that broke the mold

I wrote this today while trying to study Spanish and to be honest it is pretty foreign to me. Most things in life we learn through experiences. It is how we react to those experiences that define us. We determine who we want to be, what we want to do, and how we treat others along the way. If we fall prey to those that treat us with disrespect then we too are the same sucker they have become. A marionette another puppet maneuvered by unseen strings, or you can break the mold.