Cathedral

Snow to my knees living in this lucid sleepless dream
 Cloud of white billow by, leaving me in this moment frozen in time
 Lost in this world full of misconception
Is this reality or am I lost in inception
Cold to the touch in this instance I live
Freed from the past my legacy is mine to give
Your mark has left a scar
Stained glass windows a story to tell
Each piece imperfect stitched together creating me
Only to God will I fall to my knee
For he has given me everything

Golden Sky

In and out of consciousness
Into your eyes, goes the stare
A soul longing for love and guidance
A deeper meaning adare
Passion and angst boil to the surface
Fiery desire, intellect atune
Driven for a purpose
A distance to go
The dance has been danced
The mask has been worn
The music has ended a moment torn
Hide behind the sepal
Or let your anther flow
This to know
Will change the end to which you will go

Sucker

looking out from a dark space
back behind the things in life I see
collections of shiny things
stubs left from nights in the lights
a photo from the past a memory that will last
the blanket stained red
a moment I wished I were dead
the dark place is where I fled
there I heard your awful tone
silence then I know I payed the toll
peace has now found my soul
safety of the present
the past that cant touch you now
I am a product of what I chose to be
you will never determine me
happiness is mine to keep
my love for life runs deep
this is the story that will be told
I am the one that broke the mold

I wrote this today while trying to study Spanish and to be honest it is pretty foreign to me. Most things in life we learn through experiences. It is how we react to those experiences that define us. We determine who we want to be, what we want to do, and how we treat others along the way. If we fall prey to those that treat us with disrespect then we too are the same sucker they have become. A marionette another puppet maneuvered by unseen strings, or you can break the mold.

The Seven Dwarfs

There is nothing that I love more in this life than my family. I come from a large family, ok that might be an understatement I am the middle child of 11 kids. We may not all be from the same mom and dad but we are family no matter how you try to tear us apart we love each other all  the same no matter which mom we came from if we are full, half, or even step sibling.It doesn't matter because we have each others. From 11 kids I have 7 brothers it may seem a lot to some but for me it is the perfect amount because they are all different and I need each one of them in my life.

 My oldest brother Glen now there is a bit of an age gap between us he is 13 years older than me. Glen has taught me what a good dad is, he loves his kids more than anything and always make sure that he is there for them.

 Kurt is the second oldest, Kurt taught me love he loved me more than anyone I have ever known he was my hero. Kurt was an extremely hard worker and a true friend that was always there when you needed him. 

Brian is the third oldest  in the family he definitely played the role of the big brother that teases you and gives you a really hard time. Brian has taught me that you can come back from anything a better person and that there is always hope.

 Luke he is the fourth oldest and just older than me. Luke is one of the smartest people I know, Luke has taught me that education isn't easy, you have to work your butt off, sacrifice, be dedicated, and never give up.

 Ben he is the first little brother I had, he is seven years younger than me. Ben is a crazy kid the biggest nerd I know but he is very passionate about the things he loves and will never let anyone stop him from doing just that.

 Kien he is the third from the youngest in my family. Kien, I just love that boy, he is stubborn oh so stubborn when he knows what  he wants he will not stop working till he gets it. Kien is also very tender hearted he may be a fighter but he is a big softy at the same time. Kien has taught me to stand for what I want and never back down. 

Spencer he is the baby of the family and trust me you will know it. Spencer he is a little athlete no matter what sport it is he will play it and he will be pretty damn good too. 

In short I love my brothers more than anything they have each taught me things I will never forget have always been there for me and will always be there.

Twitch

Many people that know me know I have a twitch. No it isn't tourettes or from excessive drug use. It comes and goes with out permission it tends to get worse when I am stressed or tired. Today I twitched no different than I normally do. You see I have had this twitch for years now. I was sitting in the testing center in a poorly lit hall studying for a test. When it hit me, the twitch... but it was the memory that came with it that made the twitch hurt for the first time in ages. It came and went in a flash but I felt you hit me again. My head hit the hall wall in our old entry way I heard the echoing inside my head the tear and sting of my ear burned. I felt the warmth of the sunlight coming in the from the side window by the front door touch my skin. I felt beneath you once again, not in control of my life. The fear of you seized me, I felt vulnerable in that instance. The moment lasted no more than 5 seconds that I was transported to the past. I choose now to live in the present. I don't live in fear of you. I feel bad for you and what you must go through day by day. I have prayed for your soul in the past, I know that what I suffered from what not my fault. You may have left your mark on me, but it will never disable the person I have become and the person I am yet to be.

The Bud

Everyday I see thousands of faces, in my lifetime at least a million or more. Some it is the first and will also be the last I see them. Behind each face is a history of happy moments, times of lose, periods of trial, and spells of challenge. I have met hundreds of those thousands of people but I do admitting that I have only talked and really got to know a few beyond the surface of what they wear and say but what they feel and actually think is where the true value is found. 

The best way in describing this experience is it like moving into a new house the yard is a wreck there is an assortment of plants, weeds, bushes, and trees throughout. You walk day after day up and down the path from your door to you destination. You never notice the small thorny patch for days weeks then one day you step on a thorn and it catches you off guard. You take the moment to pause as you stoop over and look down. You examine this obscure plant you have never seen before. It happens to not be anything  that you have ever recognized before it is intricate the leaves a gradation of colors from greens to purples, the way the stem spirals and more. There is one tiny bud emerging from all of the foliage and thorns the petal of the brightest color you have ever beheld. The mere tops of the petals are starting to emerge from the bud. From that point one you pay attention day by day till the most beautiful flower you have ever seen before emerges.  Throughout the years you weed the yard cut things out, change the landscape, some plants dwindle away no matter how hard you work to keep them in your yard, for some the soil just isn't right. The once thorn in your foot remains and is now stronger and more beautiful than ever.

Remember God doesn't give you the people you want, he gives you the people you need. Sometimes you never notice them until you slow down and pause. Every once in a while you they jump out at you, or you may accidentally step on them before you can realize their worth.   They are there to help you, to hurt you, to leave you, to love you and to help you become the person you are meant to be. These are the people in life that make you laugh a little louder, smile a little bigger, and live a little bit better. In the end you could have never lived with out them this person called FRIEND.

Senior Year Finally Here!!!

I remember after I finished my Junior year of high school... I remember faking a senior year when I really went to college minus the many hours I spent in detention making up for ditching out on half of my Junior year. Ya most 16 year old don't think that one through, trust me I was not one of them. Here I am yet again a Senior... and SENIORITIS has set in. My symptoms include not wanting to go to class, do homework, wanting to sleep in every day, thinking that the library is prison, books are poisonous, and the professor never stop watching/tormenting you, homework replaced oxygen. So mainly the basic symptoms is all that I have. When in reality I wake up between 630 and 8 a.m. yes, this is early for college students that do not work. Work out 5 to 6 days a week this is the only way in which I stay sane in the slightest. Read read read read read read read read....READ REad REad Read Read read read read read read read..... oh and read some more. The I write write and write and write write write....  Yes I am writing my senior thesis... shoot me now... Oh the subject of my Thesis is the Mountain Meadows Massacre. So really its like the reverse for the history of my religion..  it should make me more homicidal... (BAD HISTORY JOKE) When it comes down to it I had no clue what I was getting myself into. I didn't really know what even had happened when I selected to subject to write on. Needless to say I have an great distaste for Bro. Brigham right now lets hope that wears off soon. Well I am halfway through the first semester and will be lost the in research the remainder of the semester...  needless to say if you ever need to find me look on the 4th floor of the UVU library or the couch of apartment 124.