The Seven Dwarfs

There is nothing that I love more in this life than my family. I come from a large family, ok that might be an understatement I am the middle child of 11 kids. We may not all be from the same mom and dad but we are family no matter how you try to tear us apart we love each other all  the same no matter which mom we came from if we are full, half, or even step sibling.It doesn't matter because we have each others. From 11 kids I have 7 brothers it may seem a lot to some but for me it is the perfect amount because they are all different and I need each one of them in my life.

 My oldest brother Glen now there is a bit of an age gap between us he is 13 years older than me. Glen has taught me what a good dad is, he loves his kids more than anything and always make sure that he is there for them.

 Kurt is the second oldest, Kurt taught me love he loved me more than anyone I have ever known he was my hero. Kurt was an extremely hard worker and a true friend that was always there when you needed him. 

Brian is the third oldest  in the family he definitely played the role of the big brother that teases you and gives you a really hard time. Brian has taught me that you can come back from anything a better person and that there is always hope.

 Luke he is the fourth oldest and just older than me. Luke is one of the smartest people I know, Luke has taught me that education isn't easy, you have to work your butt off, sacrifice, be dedicated, and never give up.

 Ben he is the first little brother I had, he is seven years younger than me. Ben is a crazy kid the biggest nerd I know but he is very passionate about the things he loves and will never let anyone stop him from doing just that.

 Kien he is the third from the youngest in my family. Kien, I just love that boy, he is stubborn oh so stubborn when he knows what  he wants he will not stop working till he gets it. Kien is also very tender hearted he may be a fighter but he is a big softy at the same time. Kien has taught me to stand for what I want and never back down. 

Spencer he is the baby of the family and trust me you will know it. Spencer he is a little athlete no matter what sport it is he will play it and he will be pretty damn good too. 

In short I love my brothers more than anything they have each taught me things I will never forget have always been there for me and will always be there.

Twitch

Many people that know me know I have a twitch. No it isn't tourettes or from excessive drug use. It comes and goes with out permission it tends to get worse when I am stressed or tired. Today I twitched no different than I normally do. You see I have had this twitch for years now. I was sitting in the testing center in a poorly lit hall studying for a test. When it hit me, the twitch... but it was the memory that came with it that made the twitch hurt for the first time in ages. It came and went in a flash but I felt you hit me again. My head hit the hall wall in our old entry way I heard the echoing inside my head the tear and sting of my ear burned. I felt the warmth of the sunlight coming in the from the side window by the front door touch my skin. I felt beneath you once again, not in control of my life. The fear of you seized me, I felt vulnerable in that instance. The moment lasted no more than 5 seconds that I was transported to the past. I choose now to live in the present. I don't live in fear of you. I feel bad for you and what you must go through day by day. I have prayed for your soul in the past, I know that what I suffered from what not my fault. You may have left your mark on me, but it will never disable the person I have become and the person I am yet to be.

The Bud

Everyday I see thousands of faces, in my lifetime at least a million or more. Some it is the first and will also be the last I see them. Behind each face is a history of happy moments, times of lose, periods of trial, and spells of challenge. I have met hundreds of those thousands of people but I do admitting that I have only talked and really got to know a few beyond the surface of what they wear and say but what they feel and actually think is where the true value is found. 

The best way in describing this experience is it like moving into a new house the yard is a wreck there is an assortment of plants, weeds, bushes, and trees throughout. You walk day after day up and down the path from your door to you destination. You never notice the small thorny patch for days weeks then one day you step on a thorn and it catches you off guard. You take the moment to pause as you stoop over and look down. You examine this obscure plant you have never seen before. It happens to not be anything  that you have ever recognized before it is intricate the leaves a gradation of colors from greens to purples, the way the stem spirals and more. There is one tiny bud emerging from all of the foliage and thorns the petal of the brightest color you have ever beheld. The mere tops of the petals are starting to emerge from the bud. From that point one you pay attention day by day till the most beautiful flower you have ever seen before emerges.  Throughout the years you weed the yard cut things out, change the landscape, some plants dwindle away no matter how hard you work to keep them in your yard, for some the soil just isn't right. The once thorn in your foot remains and is now stronger and more beautiful than ever.

Remember God doesn't give you the people you want, he gives you the people you need. Sometimes you never notice them until you slow down and pause. Every once in a while you they jump out at you, or you may accidentally step on them before you can realize their worth.   They are there to help you, to hurt you, to leave you, to love you and to help you become the person you are meant to be. These are the people in life that make you laugh a little louder, smile a little bigger, and live a little bit better. In the end you could have never lived with out them this person called FRIEND.

Senior Year Finally Here!!!

I remember after I finished my Junior year of high school... I remember faking a senior year when I really went to college minus the many hours I spent in detention making up for ditching out on half of my Junior year. Ya most 16 year old don't think that one through, trust me I was not one of them. Here I am yet again a Senior... and SENIORITIS has set in. My symptoms include not wanting to go to class, do homework, wanting to sleep in every day, thinking that the library is prison, books are poisonous, and the professor never stop watching/tormenting you, homework replaced oxygen. So mainly the basic symptoms is all that I have. When in reality I wake up between 630 and 8 a.m. yes, this is early for college students that do not work. Work out 5 to 6 days a week this is the only way in which I stay sane in the slightest. Read read read read read read read read....READ REad REad Read Read read read read read read read..... oh and read some more. The I write write and write and write write write....  Yes I am writing my senior thesis... shoot me now... Oh the subject of my Thesis is the Mountain Meadows Massacre. So really its like the reverse for the history of my religion..  it should make me more homicidal... (BAD HISTORY JOKE) When it comes down to it I had no clue what I was getting myself into. I didn't really know what even had happened when I selected to subject to write on. Needless to say I have an great distaste for Bro. Brigham right now lets hope that wears off soon. Well I am halfway through the first semester and will be lost the in research the remainder of the semester...  needless to say if you ever need to find me look on the 4th floor of the UVU library or the couch of apartment 124.

F&F

Faith vs. Fear is sometimes all I feel we hear. Believe in what you will but fear for me is more than being hurt. Life is full of pains weaknesses and injury but it isn’t the physical that I fear. Looking deeper into the soul is where true pain is felt and that is where my fear resides. It took a residence there many years ago nearly 23.95 my soul was awakened 24.6 years ago but I felt the love of a heart beat before that day. Love is faith, faith in something more something greater that can move us to grow and become something more.  My fear has controlled parts of my life and kicked faith aside. Survival mode is what I call it you get up each day because that is what you must do to stay alive; you do what you need to, to keep the waters at bay till the end of the day. I then lay down and the floods engulf the walls and I begin to drown again. I fight the flood with all I have and look for the light and do all that I can to reach it once again. I sometimes find a buoy of hope that I grasp onto those days I feel strong. Then there are days where there seems to be no light no matter how hard I work and I am lost again at sea swirling in a hurricane of emotion. I then drift way to find a new day where I wake once again upon the possible tides of change. I have begun to look for my current across the great expanse of sea imploring to find it before the hurricane finds me aimlessly out at sea.  Faith.

BE MINE

Torn in two apiece for me apiece for you

Not knowing what to do, a desire to stay true

The edges surrounded by torn lace

Once whole it was full of grace

Together again the words still go

You are the essence to my soul

The ink still smudged with a tear of love

Brought together by heaven above

Only this we shall know

Turning Pages

A drive into the past and a glimps into the future. We wined through the old city street, passing places where millions of memories have been made, and there are millions more to come. Tonight we made a new. A new home was found, old homes were past stories are shared, a smile fuses the past and the future into this moment that we live in now. The sun is fading now an a new game begins with the hopes and aspirations, flying in the wind. The crack of the bat and a roar of the crowd. The rush of the droplets come pouring down. Cover is found the game still continues not on the green but between you and I. Prizes are won, beyond the surface, a greater gift is given. More stories are shared to create  the story of you and I.  Embracing the page in this chapter of life. You leave my side, but your vision remains. Till the next page is turned.