My Horizon

You are all I want. It doesn’t matter how I feel, how much I make, where I am, because none of that matters. I dream about you when I sleep. I would do anything for you. I would die for you. Be a slave for you. When you are in agony I feel my heart tear, my soul aches to be able to be with you. Your happiness means more to me than anything that this earth could provide. You are the gravity that holds me down, when I feel like my life is flying out of control. I wish I could read your thoughts so that your every wish would come true. You are beauty to me in every form. When I look into your eyes I can see your soul, it is the purest form of perfection. You are the oxygen to my lungs when I have been shoved under the waves in life and hit rock bottom. I feel the current carrying me and drifting me along out of my control. I swim with all my might left and I am a thousand yard right. I will not stop fighting the current that drags me down you have become the horizon. No matter how hard I labor the current holds me back. The horizons distance never changes it has become fleeting with my every move. Darkness has fallen on me now. In the darkness I may not see, but you are once again next to me in my heart and in my dreams. A new dawn shall come and then I shall see that the horizon can never be next to me till darkness falls.

2008 to 2012 i have added a few.... but still have a few more to go

Here's how it works. Change the items to bold that you have done in your life.
1. Started your own blog
2. Slept under the stars
3. Played in a band
4. Visited Hawaii
5. Watched a meteor shower
6. Given more than you can afford to charity
7. Been to Disneyland /world
8. Climbed a mountain
9. Held a praying mantis
10. Sang a solo
11. Bungee jumped
12. Visited Paris(in Las Vegas)
13. Watched a lightning storm at sea(the beach does that count)
14. Taught yourself an art from scratch
15. Adopted a child
16. Had food poisoning
17. Walked to the top of the Statue of Liberty
18. Grown your own vegetables
19. Seen the Mona Lisa in France
20. Slept on an overnight train
21. Had a pillow fight
22. Hitch hiked
23. Taken a sick day when you're not ill
24. Built a snow fort
25. Held a lamb
26. Gone skinny dipping
27. Run a Marathon
28. Ridden in a gondola in Venice
29. Seen a total eclipse
30. Watched a sunrise or sunset
31. Hit a home run
32. Been on a cruise
33. Seen Niagara Falls in person
34. Visited the birthplace of your ancestors
35. Seen an Amish community
36. Taught yourself a new language
37. Had enough money to be truly satisfied
38. Seen the Leaning Tower of Pisa in person
39. Gone rock climbing
40. Seen Michelangelo's David
41. Sung karaoke
42. Seen Old Faithful geyser erupt
43. Bought a stranger a meal at a restaurant
44. Visited Africa
45. Walked on a beach by moonlight
46. Been transported in an ambulance
47. Had your portrait painted
48. Gone deep sea fishing
49. Seen the Sistine Chapel in person
50. Been to the top of the Eiffel Tower in Paris
51. Gone scuba diving or snorkeling
52. Kissed in the rain
53. Played in the mud
54. Gone to a drive-in theater
55. Been in a movie
56. Visited the Great Wall of China
57. Started a business
58. Taken a martial arts class
59. Visited Russia
60. Served at a soup kitchen
61. Sold Girl Scout Cookies
62. Gone whale watching
63. Got flowers for no reason
64. Donated blood, platelets or plasma
65. Gone sky diving
66. Visited a Nazi Concentration Camp
67. Bounced a check
68. Flown in a helicopter
69. Saved a favorite childhood toy
70. Visited the Lincoln Memorial
71. Eaten Caviar
72. Pieced a quilt
73. Stood in Times Square
74. Toured the Everglades
75. Been fired from a job
76. Seen the Changing of the Guards in London
77. Broken a bone
78. Been on a speeding motorcycle
79. Seen the Grand Canyon in person
80. Published a book
81. Visited the Vatican
82. Bought a brand new car
c83. Walked in Jerusalem
84. Had your picture in the newspaper
85. Read the entire Bible
86. Visited the White House
87. Killed and prepared an animal for eating
88. Had chickenpox
89. Saved some one's life
90. Sat on a jury
91. Met someone famous
92. Joined a book club(didnt last long)
93. Lost a loved one
94. Had a baby
95. Seen the Alamo in person
96. Swam in the Great Salt Lake
97. Been involved in a law suit
98. Owned a cell phone
99. Been stung by a bee
100. read an entire book in one day (thank you college)

Moments

A single moment can change our entire lives.

 The acceleration of a car, a blink of an eye, three words, yes, or no. Each of these have steered my life in a direction that  was unforeseen. 

The acceleration of a car is a simple act than many make daily without a thought. I do it daily as I commute back and forth from work sometimes not even noticing gap and period in the road because it had become so routine. This routine of hitting the right pedal changed my life drastically 23 years 8 months and 3 weeks ago. Increased flow of gasoline to an engine took my mother away from me. I will never know what it is like to have a moment with a mother the look that she gives when she is proud that you are hers. The moment where you do something so stupid that all she can do is hold you in her arms and still love you the same as the day you were first placed in her arms. 

A blink of an eye. I was 14 almost 15 there were few thing if I am being honest I even gave a damn about. At the time one of those things was my brother Kurt. He was my big brother, protector, friend, and hero. I look to him to know what hard work was, how to be a true friend, and how to show someone you cared. Kurt loved me and I knew it, when I felt that my entire life I had been tossed around at sea, Kurt acted as my anchor. A blink of an eye, a jolt, shattered glass, and my hero lay on the ground. 3 days later I picked the clothes to dress my protector in. 2 days later I laid a rose on his casket not knowing when I would see him again.

3 words I forgive you. I was 16 years old and still didn't give much of a damn. I had been carrying guilt on my shoulder that wasn't mine to carry. I had been hurting for years, not knowing what to do. Till a wise man taught me what forgiveness was. It wasn't forgetting what had happened but letting go of the load that we carry. I was scared to let go of the load, as I drove in the dark headed northward. I blared my rock music looking for relief, solstice but I knew that I wouldn't find it till I reached my destination. I pulled up to the house the porch light was on still. I sat there for what felt like an eternity staring at the door at the top of the steps. I at that moment relearned how to walk as I magically ended up at the door. I knocked the door open, there she stood. I was now taller than her I looked down at her in the eyes and said there is something I need to say. My throat started to close off, my heart was racing at the speed of light, what had I done, how did I end up here. She stood there and looked at me not moving as her arms were crossed. I opened my mouth and summoned only 3 words I forgive you. I needed not to say anymore she said nothing in return she stood there. I turned walked to my car and left that night a different person because of 3 words I forgive you.

Yes or No. This could determine a great sandwich at subway or ending up with a cucumber between two pieces of wheat bread. There have been many yes or no question asked of me through out my life. Such as is the square root of 16, 4? yes or no. There are moments however I have found me asking myself yes or no. One of these times I was 19.5 years old. I stared myself down in the mirror atop the medicine cabinet in the basement of my fathers home. Yes was the answer to acceleration more, faster, and not looking back. No was letting go of my crutches and walking on what felt like razor blades with broken legs. Yes or No at that moment in the mirror changed my entire outcome in life. Yes was no longer the option, I now walk on razor blade with the pain unmasked for the first time in years, I felt once more.

MOMENTS determine not my future, but our future as a whole.

HEY EMILY

I indeed need to dedicate this blog posting to my co-worker Rachael. Like a good book needs to be in the honor of someone. Rachael is like a fine wine and only gets better with time. That is with whatever Endeavor she takes on next. Her latest project: making me feel well happy, embarrassed, motivated, and super Mormon beyond belief. If I were to give a name to this scheme I would uncountable call it the Hey Girl, By Zac Efron. I like the nerd that I am have what I would consider a slight crush or fancy for Zac Efron (who doesn’t that has looked at that man). This all started with me pinning a nice picture of Zac on Pinterest.

Rachael Pinterest stalks me and has taken the task, no duty upon herself to tickle my fancy for Zac throughout the day. I would like to SHARE some of these with you because well we all need a little Zac.

HEY EMILY, I JUST GOT BACK FROM A MISSION, AND I AM LOOKING FOR MY NEXT COMPANION  -ZAC

HEY EMILY, SORRY I'LL GO PUT MY SHIRT BACK ON. MODEST IS HOTTEST. -ZAC

HEY EMILY, I HAVE THIS MAJOR HEADACHE, I JUST READ YOUR ARTICLE ABOUT THE PEOPLE OF HONG KONG AND IT BLEW MY MIND -ZAC

HEY EMILY, WANNA MAKE A MODERN VERSION OF SATURDAYS WARRIORS? I GOT THE VIDEO CAMERA, YOU WRITE THE CHEESY DIALOGUE. -ZAC

Those are just a few of the many in-boxed items I receive daily. Do I laugh? yes.. Do I smile? yes... Do I reopen from time to time to look at him? I plead the 5th. Most honestly though I am glad I am not his mother because I would find it weird that to crazy women that work for Jesus creep on my son. Till next time to each his own.- Emily 

Stick'n it to the Man

Every once in a while I get a wild hair up my.. And all I want to do is stick to the man. Now the “Man” could be varied according to situations. This “Man” happens to be a woman in her mid 60's. She the unsaid woman because I really don't know her name not because I don’t want to offend or embarrass her. She this woman sleeps on the couch on the floor that I work on. This couch is located in a sitting room that you must walk through to get to the bathroom with five stalls and 2.5 toilets that don’t fire while at random when on them. Back to the “MAN” though she enters at approx. 12:50 p.m. with some concoction heated to her liking, she then yarfs it down and sleeps on the couch. This combination of Musk most likely from the Dollar General, food from probably beet heaven, and the smell of the bathroom is intoxicating. Intoxicating in a worse than Brittany Spear kind of way. She then proceeds to sleep for 30-40 mins and then returns to her floor. This has caused a great distaste for this “Man” on the floor everyone complains and well I am not sure if they return from the bathroom with their lunches still intact. (I sometimes don’t)

This leads me to “THE PLAN” I came up with a plan to deter this “Man” from sleeping in our sitting room. The plan was to move the couch every day for an entire month as a deterrent for this woman to not sleep and stink up the floor. I proceeded to move the couch and ottoman every day 5 days a week to a new and different position. Yet everyday she would have to reposition the couch for sleeping and eating purposes. For over a month this couch mysteriously moved and was then moved back to the original position. I gave up after 5.5 weeks of moving this couch. I then learned sticking it to a 65 year old woman of a “MAN” is much harder than it looks.



ZION!!!

 Angels Landing though I didnt Climb it on this trip I hiked it this last fall!

 This is the Trail that Tara Brett and I hiked to Hidden Valley... Which isn't so Hidden Considering the signs pointing the way there.

 This on of the Amazing Views from our hike to the Emerald pools!

 THE NARROWS!!!!! We hiked just a little into them. We are planning and over night backpacking trip this August from the top to the bottom!!

 Brandon a true champion and gentleman... Only if he knew hotdog math we wouldn't have been able to have our endless hotdog supply.

 Some of my favorite people!!! Hillary, Sarah, Sam, and Sharla :)

 TARA!!! Was a Rockstar the whole time even with Gimpy Brett and me freaking out over the fact we were on a cliff.

Over all we had a spectacular weekend camping at the GOVERNMENT LANDS CAMPGROUND... lol also known as just government land. We met lots of random strangers have a few new friends from Isreal, a new friend from New Zealand who happens to be a Star expert. We will also be featured in several Japanese scrapbooks because well Asian women love white college students. Sarah Hillary and I stopped in Panguitch, Utah for some good old solar Eclipes time that wont happen again till 2115 or something like that. A sweet weekend to not be forgotten with a shooting star brighter than most in over a decade that flew over head our first night. Thats I knew it was going to be a good weekend.

Internship!!!

I recently started a new job at the church office building in Salt Lake City. It is located on Temple Square and may I say I have a great view from the 14th floor!! I am working in the missionary travel department. I am under the domestic side of things so that means I work with the Agents that work with The United States, Canada, Mexico, Southeast Asia, and Africa. Ya the title domestic doesn't really cover it. I love what i have been doing so far. I started clear back on april 23 yes the week of finals... so I crammed and took all my finals a week early. :) Worth it I think so I got to work an extra 40 hrs because of this I also got to lose tons of sleep due to my over eagerness.